


Moment of Truth

by themuslimbarbie



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), DCU
Genre: Before Battle, Canon Compliant, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 18:44:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10859859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themuslimbarbie/pseuds/themuslimbarbie
Summary: His arm brushes against hers and she ever so softly leans into his touch. A gentle reminder that even with everything going on, even with everything coming, in that moment, they're alive.





	Moment of Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during "Aruba" right before they interact with their past selves.

Twenty minutes after they finalize their plans, Jax finds Sara in the library, leaning against the desk and holding Ray's Chore Wheel. He doesn't have to be up close to know it's still pointing at their last assignments, when Sara and Amaya had dish duty after lunch. Jax can tell it is by the way her lips are tight, attempting to be neutral. Sara does that from time to time when it comes to Amaya, tries to stay neutral, knowing that her time in the Waverider was only ever supposed to be temporary. That Sara had to keep herself a little more distant than she wanted to because one day Amaya would leave them.

But not like this.

“She's still alive in this timeline,” Jax reminds her as he enters the library. Sara doesn't seem surprised to hear him. He thinks she probably knew he was lingering in the doorway the whole time but just couldn’t bring herself to look away from the Chore Wheel. From Amaya. “We’ll save her, Sara. Her and Ray and Gray. This plan will work.”

Sara stares at the Chore Wheel for a moment longer. She sighs when she puts it down. “Amaya and Ray still died though,” she says softly. She looks up at him. “Even if we manage to stop Thawne and the others, even if we destroy the Spear and save everyone, we will still die. _You_ will still die, Jax. Are you okay with that? It’s okay if you’re not.”

“Are you?” he asks, taking a step closer. He thinks this can’t be easy for her – dying again. Every time it seems like she’s in the clear, she has to face death again. It isn’t fair, he thinks, how much Sara has to suffer.

She studies him for a moment before she gives him the smallest of smiles. “I’m surprised you never asked me about it.”

“About what?”

“Dying. Christmas.”

Jax frowns and sits next to her on the desk. His arm brushes against hers and she ever so softly leans into his touch. A gentle reminder that even with everything going on, even with everything coming, in that moment, they're _alive_.

“Didn’t think you’d wanna talk about it,” he says after a beat. “Wasn’t even sure how much you’d remember.”

“I remember you,” she says. He thinks his surprise must be pretty damn obvious because she backtracks a bit after that. “I remember the evil Rip standing over me. You talking to him. Not being able to breathe. And… I know it doesn’t make sense, but I remember you holding me. Talking to me. And I remember being so scared. Not just about dying, but for you. For what you’d do.”

He isn’t sure what to think about that, much less say. Hearing that when they didn’t think Gray’d be able to save her and when everything was really going to be over, she’d been concerned about him. About making sure he’d stay his best self and not do something they both know he might regret.

Isn't sure what to think about the fact that _he_ would even be a thought in her mind in her dying moment.

“It’ll be different this time,” he says because he doesn’t know what else to say. “This time we are going to fix everything first. You won’t have to worry about anyone else.”

“Yeah? That another great Jax prophecy?”

He nods but then pauses. “Well, mostly different. I can think of one thing that won’t change,” he adds with a smile.

“Oh yeah?” she asks. “What’s that?”

“You saving the day.”

This time it’s Sara who looks at him with the wide eyes. But when they softens, she smiles. “Who says it won’t be you? You’re pretty good at it, you know, the whole saving the day thing.”

It won't be him, he thinks, because he’s not sure what he’ll do if he has to watch her die again. He wants to think that it would be different this time – that he would remember what Sara told him, remember the mission and his humanity, and focus on what needs to be done - but he doesn’t think he can be sure of that. It’s different, standing here and talking about it, and being out there and doing it.

Jax is good at the hero thing, he knows. He will jump in front of a bullet for someone, run headfirst into battle, do whatever it takes to protect someone. But saving the day, being able to put aside his emotions and give up what he wants? _That’s_ something else. Something he isn’t sure he’s always capable of doing. It’s not even something he’s sure he _wants_ to be able to do.

But it’s something Sara will do. And she'll do it so that no one else has to.

And maybe that’s the reason he makes the decision. Or maybe it’s because now that he knows he’ll die and lose everything, there’s nothing left to lose. Or maybe it’s because he’s tired of waiting and trying to hide it. It doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that he thinks he has to do it now.

Jax takes a deep breath.

“Look, I gotta tell you something. You don’t gotta say nothing back, but I just need to say it before we go out there because I don’t know if the other me will ever own up and just do it. So here it goes: Sara, I… I think I might be falling in love with you.”

She doesn’t react at all how he expects her to. Her eyes don’t widen and breath doesn’t hitch. She doesn’t even try to start to say anything and then trail off. But she does look at him with this calm, neutral gaze and thin, tight lips. And even though there’s no expression on her face, Jax thinks he can _see_ her thoughts happening. Can see her distancing herself from him. He just doesn’t know if it’s to protect his feelings or hers.

He thinks it doesn’t really matter anyways. He meant it when he said he didn’t need her to say anything back.

Still sucks though.

“There you guys are,” Nate says from behind him, probably from the doorway. “We’re ready when you are.”

“We’re coming,” Jax tells him even though he can already hear Nate walking away. He smiles softly at Sara. “Come on,” he says before he turns around.

“Jax,” she says as he starts to walk away. “Jax!”

Before he has a chance to tell her not to worry about it, she grabs him by the arm and spins him back to face her. And at a speed only Sara can do, she closes the distance between them, wraps her arms around his neck, and kisses him.

Jax steps back the moment her lips meet his.

“ _No_ ,” he says. “Don’t do that, Sara. Not if you don’t mean it.”

The strangest thing happens when he says that – Sara lets her guard down. He watches her face as the walls come down and all the emotions come to the surface. All the pain and loneliness and regret. And for a moment, she looks so _hurt_.

“I had to do that at least once,” she says softly. “In case the other me never works up the courage.”

Jax knows there are a million things he needs to say in that moment and a million more they need to discuss. And he wants to say them all, but he knows he can’t. Because there’s the mission and the other them’s and all of reality that needs to be saved, so they don't have the time to talk about any of it.

They only have this moment.

So he kisses her with his arms around her waist and she kisses him with hers around his neck, wrapping themselves up in each other so there’s no space left between them. He kisses her with everything he has because he knows after this there won’t be nothing left – no him, no her, no them. Just what they need to do. She feels the same way, he knows, because she clings to him as if she’s going to lose him.

They stay like that even after the kiss ends, tightly tangled up in each other, desperate to hold on to the moment.

A single tear escapes Jax’s eye. Sara leans up and kisses it away, her lips ever so softly brushing against his cheek.

“We need to go,” she says.

“I know,” he says.

He doesn’t know which one of them moves first or if they move together. It doesn’t really matter, he thinks, as long as they’re able to do it. And they do, because they have to.

Because that’s what it’ll take to save the day. 


End file.
